Relationship

When you are asked, “So are you in a relationship with someone?” you don’t really know what to say. I then say,”No. No boyfriend in my life!!” thinking that it was one of steretype questions being asked. The initial ‘no’ though is somewhat harsh to say. The only accomplishment we have in our life are those true relationships we have managed to develop in our life.
So whenever we get some time off our hands we should introspect these relationships and decide how much attention should we be giving them. Every relationship deserves attention. Else it just rusts away. So why fuss with this attention.
So all you people out there just bother to give that assuring smile to that one person who matters the most to you.

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Dilemma!!!

So what happens next?? It is something that bothers everyone. I mean we are never really satisfied with the present and keep wondering what happens next. Okay I probably am first of a kind I don’t exactly know what I want from my future but I am also unhappy with the present. I mean that is kind of lame right? If u don’t know exactly what you want from the future you should not whine about the present!!

It is actually more frustrating to hear everyday too that u have not even lived close to your parents dreams and you are and will be to me a disappointment as always. Well you should crack down after hearing things like this from the one person that really matters but then I ignore it. I just assume it is the menopause talking or it is her rest of frustration talking. Okay but I suck at these relations whether if it is these mother daughter ones or the ones with friends. I am too afraid to be too close because I fear of being let down. Mom agrees to me being a letdown so there you go don’t want my friends to think the same.

You sometimes feel confused with this world what is right what is wrong. I am always considered wrong because according to this society girls are not supposed to think like that.  Movies can be so liberating at times. You feel like you totally this character. Then you wonder are you actually such a stupid self centred naive bitch. Lol i don’t know what I want from life or why I evolved to such a different person from my childhood. I don’t know why I have become gloomier and more depressed as I grew older. Maybe I might be smart enough to figure out the answer for myself someday.

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Near death experiences!!!

Commiting suicide an easy solution to everything but how easy is it actually...
At this point i feel like i so wanna die... Aloneness, lack of tht person who can totally identify with you 
and accepts you for you. You often feel how much would you really be missed if you are gone. Also you 
wonder if these close death warnings are any hints from God. Is it a warning for you or about someone else? 
When you about to fall if your best friend doesnt hold your hand to prevent you from falling does it make her
a bitch or a less of a friend? I never break down the space i have between me and all my friends. Kinda 
afraid to let them get too close to me. I have never wanted to feel dependent on anyone either too getting
close to someone is also being to dependent on someone. I have never been satisfied with anythin in life yet.
So dieing now means dieing without managing to achieve anything yet. This guilt is somewhat worse to die with.
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Music In Exam Hall

There is the strange thing that happens to you in an examination hall. You are trying really hard to concentrate on this problem but then instead you start singing a song or that song keeps ringing in your head.  It need not be necessary for you to start singing or even humming it but you would be singing it in your head. I remember for my 12th grade finals (a huge thing in India called the boards) I think i was singing mauja hi mauja ( a song from this movie jab we met). Even for my end semester exam in college I found myself humming this ridiculous hindi song darling. Has something like this ever happened to you??

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